Understanding What Your Anger is Telling You

“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” - Proverbs 29:11 
  
Anger has a way of rising up quickly, almost without warning. And sometimes, it feels like the best thing to do is just let it all out—blow up, get it over with, and move on.  

I remember a story about a man who told his pastor that he believed it was best to just explode when he was angry. That way, he said, it was all done quickly. The pastor, though, pointed out that a shotgun does the same thing, it blows up quickly but leaves a lot of damage in its wake. The same can be true when we let our anger explode without thought. While it might feel like a release, it often leaves destruction in its path.
 
This is why Proverbs warns us that “a fool gives full vent to his anger,” but the wise hold it back. The problem with letting anger control us is that it’s not just the moment of outburst that’s damaging, it’s everything that follows. So, how do we hold it back? How do we manage it instead of letting it manage us? A key step in learning to deal with our anger is to understand what it’s trying to tell us.

Anger isn’t just a random, negative emotion, it’s a signal. It’s pointing us to something. Think about it: when something makes you angry, it’s often because a boundary has been crossed, a value has been violated, or an expectation hasn’t been met. Anger can be a sign that something is wrong, and it’s your internal compass trying to get your attention.  

When you feel anger rising, take a moment to pause and ask yourself, "What is this anger trying to show me?" Maybe it’s revealing that you’re not being heard or that a boundary you’ve set is being disregarded. Perhaps it’s signaling that you need something—respect, appreciation, or validation—that you’re not getting. Maybe it’s pointing out that something in your life is out of alignment with your values. Understanding the root of your anger helps you approach it wisely rather than impulsively.
 
Next time anger stirs within you, don’t just let it explode. Instead, pause and reflect: What is this anger trying to tell me? When you take the time to understand your emotions, you’re better equipped to process them in a healthy, productive way. Remember, it’s not the anger itself that’s the issue, it’s how you respond to it that matters. Choose wisdom over foolishness and use that anger as a tool for positive change.