Value
“Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.” - 1 John 4:11
According to some therapists, perfectionism is something that is learned early in life when a child was valued mainly for their achievements. That child wants to bond emotionally with their parents. They want love, affection, a hug, a kiss, and they want a conversation.
The parents are good people, but they are not emotionally available, and when the child wants a hug, kiss, or some sort of affection, the parent or parents don’t know how to connect with the child in that way.
But when the child performs well, that is when the child gets the parents' attention. It’s only when the child makes A’s that the parents validate the child. It’s only when the child is getting an award at school and the parent sends all of the family members a copy of the school program. It is only when the child is starting on the football team, the band, or the cheerleading squad that the parent goes out of the way to acknowledge the child.
But when the child has had a rough day at school and just wants some love, or wants to talk about her feelings, the parents don’t know how to be there in that way, and they just tell the child to go to their room, do their homework, or go outside and practice. So that child grows up and associates their value with their accomplishments or achievements.
And more dangerously, that person starts to seek the approval of other people to validate them and give them self-esteem. This is so common in today’s society; and it is not just with parents but also with friendships, relationships, and work partnerships.
Too many people only feel valued based on what they have done, not on who they are. But there is nothing Biblical about this perspective. 1 John 4:11 tells us, “Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.”
If you want to be like Jesus, value others for who they are in Him, not what they’ve done for you. When you make others feel loved because Jesus loves them, and not because of what they accomplished or achieved, you will show them the love of Christ in a way many have never seen before!
According to some therapists, perfectionism is something that is learned early in life when a child was valued mainly for their achievements. That child wants to bond emotionally with their parents. They want love, affection, a hug, a kiss, and they want a conversation.
The parents are good people, but they are not emotionally available, and when the child wants a hug, kiss, or some sort of affection, the parent or parents don’t know how to connect with the child in that way.
But when the child performs well, that is when the child gets the parents' attention. It’s only when the child makes A’s that the parents validate the child. It’s only when the child is getting an award at school and the parent sends all of the family members a copy of the school program. It is only when the child is starting on the football team, the band, or the cheerleading squad that the parent goes out of the way to acknowledge the child.
But when the child has had a rough day at school and just wants some love, or wants to talk about her feelings, the parents don’t know how to be there in that way, and they just tell the child to go to their room, do their homework, or go outside and practice. So that child grows up and associates their value with their accomplishments or achievements.
And more dangerously, that person starts to seek the approval of other people to validate them and give them self-esteem. This is so common in today’s society; and it is not just with parents but also with friendships, relationships, and work partnerships.
Too many people only feel valued based on what they have done, not on who they are. But there is nothing Biblical about this perspective. 1 John 4:11 tells us, “Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.”
If you want to be like Jesus, value others for who they are in Him, not what they’ve done for you. When you make others feel loved because Jesus loves them, and not because of what they accomplished or achieved, you will show them the love of Christ in a way many have never seen before!
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