Singleness Is Not A Problem
There was a man in Man, whose property was in Carmel. The man was very rich; he had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats. He was shearing his sheep in Carmel. Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. The woman was clever and beautiful, but the man was surly and mean; he was a Calebite. (1 Samuel 25: 2-3)
I was wondering why Abigail and Nabal (a fool) were in a relationship in the first place. Why did they get married? You may not see it there on the surface, but I think they were married because they, and those around them, viewed their singleness as a problem. This text suggests that oftentimes we get in relationship entanglements because we view singleness as a problem. Abigail links up with a man who destroys himself, because at some point in her life her singleness was viewed as a problem.
In those days, parents typically arranged marriages for their children. People tended to believe that young women weren’t complete unless they were connected to a man. A woman’s value and personhood were tied to whether she had a man taking care of her and whether she had children. As such, I believe one of the implicit societal assumptions that govern this passage is the idea that while Abigail has a lot going on for her, she isn’t complete as a person without a man in her life. And this view that her singleness, and perhaps even that for Nabal as well, was a problem caused them to rush into a relationship and force something that was not there.
Perhaps their desire for marriage or to be in a committed relationship was a good thing, but you can’t marry an idea. You have to marry a person. So at the end of the day, let us not be people who coerce other people into relationships because we make them feel as if their singleness is a problem. They are capable of living a godly, fulfilling, kingdom-furthering life being single. Singleness is not a problem to be a solved. It is just a relationship status. As the church, may we not elevate that status to be higher than it should be.
I was wondering why Abigail and Nabal (a fool) were in a relationship in the first place. Why did they get married? You may not see it there on the surface, but I think they were married because they, and those around them, viewed their singleness as a problem. This text suggests that oftentimes we get in relationship entanglements because we view singleness as a problem. Abigail links up with a man who destroys himself, because at some point in her life her singleness was viewed as a problem.
In those days, parents typically arranged marriages for their children. People tended to believe that young women weren’t complete unless they were connected to a man. A woman’s value and personhood were tied to whether she had a man taking care of her and whether she had children. As such, I believe one of the implicit societal assumptions that govern this passage is the idea that while Abigail has a lot going on for her, she isn’t complete as a person without a man in her life. And this view that her singleness, and perhaps even that for Nabal as well, was a problem caused them to rush into a relationship and force something that was not there.
Perhaps their desire for marriage or to be in a committed relationship was a good thing, but you can’t marry an idea. You have to marry a person. So at the end of the day, let us not be people who coerce other people into relationships because we make them feel as if their singleness is a problem. They are capable of living a godly, fulfilling, kingdom-furthering life being single. Singleness is not a problem to be a solved. It is just a relationship status. As the church, may we not elevate that status to be higher than it should be.
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